Part 1: The Creation of “The Happy Submissive”

I have not always been a happy submissive. At one time, I wouldn’t have even considered myself a happy wife. Looking back, I would have considered myself to be a demanding dominant. YIKES! Far from who I have become over the past decade or so. I now consider myself to not only be a happy submissive, but “The Happy Submissive.”

The idea for “The Happy Submissive” started as just a random thought. Evaluating my life and the changes in it, I realized how much I had missed out on by not fully understanding the biblical meaning of submission. I had been lied to. I had been lied to by culture, by my family, by my friends, by myself, and worst of all, by the churches I had been attending. As I started studying the Bible more in depth on my own and really doing my own research on a lot of scripture which had either been watered down or just completely ignored in the churches I had attended, I realized just how much I had been missing.

I always knew there had been something missing in my life. I didn’t have the joy a Christian should have. The joy we are told that by being God’s children we will just naturally develop. Well, I just knew there was something wrong with me. Why didn’t I have it? I had faith. A lot of it. My life started out difficult and didn’t really get any easier on its own. I thought, “But, I am a daughter of God! How can this be?” I believed (and had been told) as a Christian I would have joy even in difficult times. I also believed (and was told) difficult times would be few because I was a Christian. Oh my! Now, how can one have joy with those types of irrational beliefs?

Control

I believed I could control my life and everyone in it. I was a very organized, business-minded person from a very early age. I was a powerful force. I learned from a young age how to get what I wanted/needed through hard-work and motivating other people. After attending college, having several start-up businesses, managing employees along with having a home, husband, and children to manage as well, I became a perfectionist. Even worse, I expected perfection from everyone else! I was the one in charge of everything. Things got accomplished and they were accomplished with extreme perfection to every detail. I was MISERABLE. I didn’t even know it. Everyone told me how much they envied me, how great of a life I had created, and how great my husband and children were. I had made it. I created it all (or so I thought). I was proud. But, why didn’t I have any joy?

My childhood past and how I became a control freak is a story for a different day. In short, I wasn’t able to experience godly joy because I was trying to control everything; things that God was in control of.  I didn’t have any control. I knew that deep down, but I still fought for it every day.

Change

Finally, through God’s tenacity, I slowly started to change. My heart started softening to those around me. I started to realize how my expectations of people (including myself) were completely unrealistic. One of the worst things about it all was the type of wife and mother I had been. Sure, I had been doing my job. I loved them all. I had made sure they were fed, clothed, receiving proper medical care, and lived in a clean environment. But, wow! They must have felt like they were living in a world which was impossible for them to do anything correctly.

Slowly over time I started to change every aspect of the way our home and family was managed. This was the creation of “The Happy Submissive.” Some things stayed the same such as the fact life isn’t always organized, things don’t always go as planned, and I am definitely not in control! But, I am good with all of it. Some things have changed such as the way I view my life, my purpose in life, my relationship with God, my children, and especially my husband. The way God changed my view of my husband was exponentially important. As a domino effect, it has made me see so many things in a different way. He is still working on me, and I still learn more every day.

If you would like to follow my progress on this, the best place to do so is here or on Instagram @thehappysubmissive.

Part 2: The Genesis of “The Happy Submissive” and “A Blessed Gentleman”

After the massive change I felt in my life and my happiness, I felt compelled to share the information I learned and continue to learn with others who may be in the same position I was in many years ago. I decided to start an Instagram account with the user name @thehappysubmissive. This page was intended to be a place to keep my mind focused on truly good, godly things. I immediately realized there was a need to be an advocate for encouraging women to let their men be men. There was a need to encourage and let them fulfill their duties which God created them to fulfill. We, as women, have been a barrier. I was a barrier. I still fight the urge to be a barrier on any given day.

The Male Side of Things

When discussing this with my husband and reviewing some of the messages I had received on Instagram, we also realized there was a need to remind men of their duties as a biblical husband, how to be men, and how to choose the right type of woman. So, he created an Instagram account with the user name @ablessedgentleman. Now, he will tell you he is not a writer and absolutely HATES social media. We believe it is important everyone see both sides of things whether male or female. At first, we were trying to address the females on my account and the males on his account. We found it is more beneficial to cross the lines sometimes and mix it up. However, we are both involved in everything posted on both accounts and this website.

Part 3: The Launch of thehappysubmissive.com

So, why the need for this website & blog?

• I didn’t want our accounts to be about us, but about how to live godly marriages. What I finally realized through this process of posting and answering questions and comments is people need to know who we are to take our advice seriously. They need to know what makes us relevant enough to even give us a thought. I still don’t want it to be about us, but about what we have learned throughout our lives together. This requires us to disclose more about ourselves than I had ever planned. These blog postings will go more in depth than a post can. It gives followers the choice: if they want to just read the little tidbits of advice/observations without any background then they can do so on social media, but if they want to know more about the advice/observations such as how in correlates directly to scripture, our thoughts behind it, or our background with it then they can read more in depth about that here on our blog.
• It became apparent much of our content needed more explanation. Many followers weren’t able to grasp the meaning behind the post. It is always exciting when followers get the implied meaning in the context written and can go even more in depth on that subject in a comment. However, many of our followers either aren’t Christians, don’t live the same lifestyle, or have listened to scripture taken out of context and they need more. They like to argue about things which we are not even saying because they don’t get the overall point. We also get tired of having to explain a concept repeatedly. With this website, we can elaborate on a subject/concept and those who don’t quite understand the point will hopefully read about it before they make an argument on the post. If you follow me, @thehappysubmissive on Instagram and understand me, then you know what I am saying here.
• Many women do not live quite as submissively as I do (which is just fine!), and this gives me the opportunity to explain the purpose behind why I live the way I CHOOSE. Some of my PERSONAL choices aren’t completely based in scripture (but they will NEVER go against scripture). Some of my lifestyle choices are purely based on past experiences and personal desires, just like anyone else. For example, I had a post on my page early on that stated “I Kneel.” This is because I feel the need to honor my husband in this way on occasion. Nothing in scripture says I HAVE to do this, but it does show my husband respect which is in scripture. It is just me expressing myself. It is fine if you don’t want to do the same. If you get it then you get it; if you don’t then some things I won’t explain.   
• I noticed many people do not technically “follow” our pages, but they check in frequently. Unfortunately, we live in a time where if our coworkers, family, or friends have a different opinion from ours we can be judged, ridiculed, or doxxed. This website gives everyone an opportunity to follow us in a way which isn’t tied to their social media accounts.
• Finally, I wanted to create this website with our daughters in mind. We have two beautiful, young adult daughters who are about to start their own way in life. I want to have something for them as they find godly men, get married, and start their families which they can refer to, learn from, or add to. I hope one of them, or both of them, will join me in this and eventually take it over one day.

It will be interesting to see how this evolves from here. Would love to hear suggestions or ideas.

The ONLY One We Care About Pleasing is God!

My husband and I aren’t here to make friends, compete for followers, or to tell people everything they want to hear. We are here to do what God has asked us to do and that is to share our knowledge based on our story. We pray we can help many people, marriages, and families to avoid the same mistakes we made. The ultimate compliment would be for us to be the encouragement needed to bring a secular marriage to a godly marriage or bring someone to know Jesus. All glory to God!

Part 4: To Be Determined…

You are welcome to join us on the rest of our journey, wherever that may take us!